The Federation Tribune - Special Edition, August 26th 2005

[Rob Versteegt]

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Editor's notes
--------------------------------------------------------------------

What you are reading now, is a collection of articles, all sent in to create
a special newspaper, to celibrate the fifth anniversary of Frontier Fleet!
First of all, of course, my congratulations and thanks to everyone who made
that possible! We've grown a long way in five years, and we'll continue to
evolve as time passes.

Anyway, that's enough of an introduction. On with. . . the special edition!
No status reports this time, no posting stats. . . just articles written
especially from this edition! Enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
5th Anniversary Trivia by Clare Bradley.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

5th Anniversary Trivia by Clare Bradley.
(Special thanks to Ben Versteegt for his contributions)

1. Who was the first Captain of the USS Calhoun?
A: Captain Sera Vaun
B. Captain Rovan Bren
C. Captain Fox Main
D. Captain Kevin Lewald

2. At what date did the USS Calhoun leave spacedock?
A: 2390.05.06
B. 2390.06.05
C. 2391.05.06
D. 2391.06.05

3. What is the class of the Fleet's transwarp shuttles?
A. Danube-Class
B. Mustang-Class
C. Delta Flyer-Class
D. Arrow-Class

4. What planet does Pandora Station orbit?
A. Pandora I
B. Pandora II
C. Pandora III
D. Bajor

5. Who was the only Captain to command three different ships?
A. Captain Rylie Tir
B. Captain Jennifer Sarin
C. Captain Fox Main
D. Captain Alfred Torn

6. In what quadrant is Delta One located?
A. Alpha
B. Beta
C. Gamma
D. Delta

Match the vessel with its Class:
7. U.S.S. Arakov
8. U.S.S Calhoun
9. U.S.S. Odyssey
10. U.S.S. Valkryie
11. U.S.S Atlantis
12. U.S.S. Tempest
13. Pandora Station
14. U.S.S. Solstice

A. Akira Class
B. Steamrunner Class
C. Intrepid Class
D. Nova Class
E. Ceylon Class
F. Sovereign Class
G. Defiant Class
H. Prometheus Class

Match the quote with its vessel:
15. U.S.S. Calhoun
16. U.S.S. Odyssey
17. U.S.S. Valkyrie
18. Pandora Station
19. U.S.S. Atlantis
20. U.S.S. Solstice

A. Imagination is more important than knowledge
B. Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
C. It's origin and purpose, still a total mystery.
D. It's not the destination that counts, it's the journey.
E. Through work, the victory.
F. From this day to the ending of the world...etc.

Email your answers to grozit at gmail.com no later than 09.10.05, with '5th
Trivia' in the subject line. This edition will not have any bonus questions.
Answers and scores will appear in the September edition of the Federation
Tribune.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An interview with Captain Sarin, by Iana Darnena.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

As we all know, Starfleet Command has decided that there will be a formation
of a whole new fleet: a transwarpfleet. Five additional ships will have
transwarp, and will be assigned to this new fleet, with the USS Calhoun as
their flagship. In this special article, I talked with Captain Sarin, the CO
of the USS Calhoun. Although she is now on a maternity leave, she has agreed
to let me take this interview after all.

DARNENA: Thank you Captain, for allowing me to interview you. First of all,
congratulations on the birth of your new-born child. I hope there were no
complications?

SARIN: Thank you! And, well, that would depend what you mean by
complications. . . But I won't go into that. The birth went well, and my
baby is healthy and well. And she seems very happy to be here. That's all I
ask for.

DARNENA: If it's not too much to ask. . . would you care to tell the readers
the name of your child?

SARIN: Of course! She's called Ling Mei.

DARNENA: It seems that you're very proud Captain, and that's understandable.
A new life is still the greatest miracle in the universe, despite everything
we've witnessed so far. But we're deviating from the topic of this
interview: the new transwarpfleet. The USS Calhoun, your ship, will now no
longer be the only one with Transwarp. How do you feel about that?

SARIN: Well, we were always the experimental stage. The prototype. Which is
why our ship has an NX designation. So I'm glad Starfleet is moving on to
the next stage and fitting the entire Frontier Fleet with transwarp. I
should correct you, by the way, since it's not technically a new fleet, but
simply a more coordinated one. Anyway, that was always the idea, fitting
more ships with transwarp I mean, and I'm happy to see it about to happen.
It means, above all, that we'll be able to push much further into our
exploration of the unknown.

DARNENA: Captain, do you have any idea what the Calhoun's role as flagship
of the fleet will be? Will you co-operate with the rest of the ships? And if
so, how far will this co-operation go? Will crewmembers be transferred
between ships, and will you ask for, and answer to requests of assistance
from other transwarp vessels?

SARIN: I'll answer that one point at a time, if I may. We're a fleet, so of
course that means we'll be coordinating what we do, and keeping one another
informed. Temporary crew transfers is an idea that's been floating around,
but I can't really tell you more for now. I think it could be a good thing,
though, if only to strengthen our feeling of unity as a fleet, and our
understanding of what each part of that fleet is doing. As for requests for
assistance, Starfleet's policy has always been that they should be answered,
whatever the source may be. So that changes nothing. If you mean distress
calls, that is. And any Starfleet vessel requiring assistance from us in
fulfilling its mission will, of course, receive it. That goes without
saying. Having transwarp will just make it easier and quicker, that's all.

DARNENA: If I may bother you with one or two more questions Captain. . . Up
until now, the Calhoun has been doing its duties in the Delta Quadrant most
of the times. Starbase Deep Space Delta One has virtually been your base of
operations there. As the Flagship, you cannot afford to spend all your time
there anymore. Also, since Pandora Station will be the Fleet HQ, you won't
be able to visit the Delta Quadrant as often as you might like. Won't you
miss your 'home away from home', to put it that way?

SARIN: Well, yes. I think we all will. Though we'll also be happy to see our
families more often, I think. But the Delta Quadrant will remain our primary
base of operations, our assigned sector of exploration, if you will. So we'
ll probably be here more often than not. There's a lot of the Delta Quadrant
still to explore, a lot of new fascinating finds awaiting us, so we're not
just going to be simply pulling out of here and forgetting about this part
of the galaxy. Quite the contrary.

DARNENA: I guess that's it Captain. But before we end this interview, I'd
like to ask you: is Captaining a transwarpship any different than Captaining
a 'normal' starship?

SARIN: Not really. It offers greater possibilities, in terms of exploration,
and that's wonderful of course. But our day to day duties are really quite
similar to those on any starship.

DARNENA: Thank you Captain, for your co-operation to this interview. Take
care, and maybe we'll meet again, for a next interview.

SARIN: I'll look forward to it. Thank you, Ms. Darnena, and have a good day.
Annyeonghi gaseyo.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An interview with Captain Bennek, by Iana Darnena.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

DARNENA: Good day Captain. Thank you for letting me interview you. You are
now docked at Pandora Station, while your ship, the USS Odyssey, is
receiving an overhaul. You're getting transwarp now: that's a mighty big
change from your normal day to day operations as a Starfleet Captain, isn't
it? After all, having just plain old warp, or state of the art transwarp,
will make Captaining your ship different, will it not?

BENNEK: Basically being the captain remains the same, the Odyssey will still
be the Odyssey. I think the sort of missions we will get will only change
slightly, because we are the ship that explores federation borders. The one
thing that will change is the long travels we used to make. No longer
spending three weeks to cross federation space is a great luxury.

DARNENA: Thank you Captain, that was a very clear answer. Now, as we both
know, the transwarpdrive technology was brought back by the USS Voyager,
also an Intrepid class. . . . like the USS Odyssey. How do you feel about
the transwarp technology being brought back to the Intrepid class now? Does
it have some. . . how shall we say it. . . poetic justice to it all?

BENNEK: We can thank the Voyager for bringing back a lot of new
technologies, but it's not new that this Intrepid class ship gets them
installed. The Odyssey installed the ablative armour that was brought back
by Voyager as well. The difference is, the USS Voyager already had the
armour installed. The Odyssey is going to be the first Intrepid class ship
with transwarp. That's certainly an honour.

DARNENA: It certainly is. There might be one problem though: this transwarp
overhaul will take quite some time, won't it, Captain? How long was it
again? 6 months? What are you planning to do in this time? Or does Starfleet
have another ship waiting for you, in the meantime? And what will happen to
your crew in these 6 months?

BENNEK: First of all: not all personnel will be idly waiting while we are
docked here. Most of the engineering department will be busy during the
overhaul and we will keep a small group of people aboard at all times. But
you are right, this is a good opportunity for shore leaves. I can't wait to
return to Andoria for more than a few days. So, in the next 6 months I will
not get a new command. The Odyssey remains my responsibility.

DARNENA: Hmmm. That brings me to my next question. If you had a choice,
Captain. . . The Odyssey with transwarp, or the Odyssey without transwarp.
Which would you want? And why?

BENNEK: Oh, that's easy. I always wanted more speed on my vessel and now I'm
getting just that. This transwarp adds a lot to the capabilities of the
Odyssey and in my opinion it does not loose anything. My wish comes true so
to speak...

DARNENA: Interesting, Captain. With this, are you saying that you think
ships without transwarp are not as good as ships *with* transwarp?

BENNEK: Don't understand me wrong. There is nothing bad about other vessels.
I just think the Odyssey is a better ship with a transwarp engine. And I'm
proud of my ship like every captain should be.

DARNENA: Of course Captain. That makes sense. Now, if you don't mind, I have
just one final question. The biggest advantage of Transwarp is, of course,
its speed. As you said yourself, a ship can reach incredible speed because
of Transwarp, and it'll be able to reach its destination faster. However. .
. aren't you afraid that because of your uniqueness, you'll have to chose
between disasters? You're only one of the six transwarp capable ships, and
you, nor any of those ships, can be everywhere at the same time. What if
you're getting two distress calls? How do you decide where to go to?

BENNEK: The dilemma of two distress calls exists with the normal warpdrive
as well. Deciding where to help when disasters occur is always tough. It's
frustrating to know that people could be saved if only Starfleet had been
there. Besides, we are not the only Starfleet vessel. Starfleet Command also
makes tough decisions by sending us to a certain part of space and not to
another. I'm not afraid we now have to go from one disaster to another.

DARNENA: That will put quite some strain on you, and your crew, Captain. Do
you think your crew will be able to handle it?

BENNEK: I have full confidence in my crew. One thing that bothers me a bit
is that this transwarp drive brings up a lot more trouble when breakdowns
occur. I hope my Engineering department is up to fixing this complex engine.
I don't want to get stuck far away from home.

DARNENA: Let's hope that doesn't happen then. But if you would. . . what
kind of help would there be?

BENNEK: We always have our normal warp drive, additionally we can ask for
help from one of the other transwarp vessels. There are 6 in the fleet after
all.

DARNENA: I see. Captain Bennek, I will let you continue with whatever it was
you were busy with. Thank you for letting me interrupt you to do this
interview. Good luck, and maybe I'll see you later again, for another
possible interview. Have a nice day.

BENNEK: It was a pleasure.

DARNENA: There you have it folks, the Captain of the Odyssey, talking about
the changes which his ship and crew will undergo: the modifications to
Transwarp.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An interview with Commander Maiek, by Iana Darnena.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

DARNENA: Ah, greetings, Commander Maiek. I must say, it's an honour to talk
to you. As you may already know, I'm interviewing the Captains of the
Transwarpships -and the Fleet HQ- which all together will be the Frontier
Fleet. Of course, Captain Main, the original Captain of the Valkyrie, is
unavailable at the moment. You are currently in command, and rumour has it
that you'll be the new Commanding Officer. How do you feel about that?

MAIEK: I'm... honored. That's the expected answer right? Hmm. Actually why
don't you just put down whatever the other people say. Where I come from if
you're told to take command you do it, how you feel about it doesn't enter
into it. I'm simply a scientist. A very good one mind you, but command was
never a goal.

DARNENA: For a Romulan to be a Starfleet Captain. That is, as far as I know,
a first. It would seem your life has turned out pretty well, so far,
wouldn't you agree?

MAIEK: Well, aside from losing my wife to the Borg, getting evicted from the
empire, and becoming guardian to several hundred undisciplined children...
couldn't be better. Of course unless you've heard something I haven't,
there's no guarantees when it comes to promotions.

DARNENA: Even if you wouldn't become Captain of the Valkyrie, you will
certainly stay First Officer. What do you, as a person who will be dealing
with the Valkyrie's modifications, think about your ship getting Transwarp?

MAIEK: It's about damn ti-. That is. I think it makes perfect sense to equip
the Valkyrie. As one of the most advanced vessels around it only makes sense
that all our systems be equally advanced. Now that those other expendable
demo ships have worked out most of the bugs, us more valuable vessels are
ready to be upgraded.

DARNENA: The Valkyrie is now part of the Frontier Fleet. Do you see an
important role for the Valkyrie -or yourself- in that fleet.

MAIEK: Part of the what? Oh that's right. Well you know how things get with
messages piling up. I think I got a memo on that a while back. I can't
recall the specifics, but I will say that in whatever fleet we are placed we
will always have an important role.

DARNENA: I see. Mr. Maiek, there is something I've been wondering about
since I heard the USS Valkyrie was also getting Transwarp. And it's got to
do with the reputation of the ship. As you might know, the Valkyrie has the
reputation to be a ship of misfits. . . of losers. And yet, this ship, out
of all the ships in Starfleet, will get Transwarp. Can you explain this?

MAIEK: Oh really. I suggest whomever is spreading those rumors had best
apologize or step forward now and be dealt with. As clearly... there is no
place to run from us now.

DARNENA: Well, I guess time's up for now. Although the interview was short,
we certainly learned a lot from it. I certainly have. Mr. Maiek, thank you
for your time, and I hope to see you again someday. . . perhaps in another
interview.

MAIEK: It is a pleasure to spread enlightenment throughout the empi- uhm...
Federation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An interview with Captain Janssens, by Iana Darnena.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

In our series of interviews with Captains of the ships in the
Transwarpfleet, we'll interview Captain Janssens of the USS Epimetheus.
Janssens, who has commanded Pandora Station before he left to command the
Epimetheus, found a brief moment to talk with me.

DARNENA: Captain Janssens, thank you for participating in this interview.
We've met before, when you were CO of Pandora Station. First of all, can you
please tell me -and the readers of course- why exactly you left the Station?

JANSSENS: Suppose Starfleet offered you a chance to command the second
transwarp ship in the fleet, what would you do? Although at that time,
nobody decided to tell me they were thinking of equipping more ships with a
transwarp drive. You'd think Starfleet would have told me that earlier,
wouldn't you?

DARNENA: I agree. Nevertheless, are you satisfied with your decision to take
command of the Epimetheus?

JANSSENS: Yes, I am. It wasn't exactly an offer I could refuse. After a few
months in command of Pandora Station, I started to miss the Odyssey. Well,
not the Odyssey in particular, but being aboard a starship. I realised that
exploration was the reason why I joined the fleet and with the Epimetheus
that's exactly what I'm able to do again.

DARNENA: Captain, with the Epimetheus being the second Starship with a
working transwarpdrive, you could go anywhere you liked. As you said, you
were exploring. The Calhoun, the first Starship who could go to
transwarpspeeds, was stationed in the Delta Quadrant. Did the Epimetheus
have a specific area it had to explore?

JANSSENS: Of course we have. Starfleet doesn't just order you to set course
for the second star on the right or things like that, and there are some
areas of space that Starfleet is interested in finding out more about.
Our first stop was of course Risa. [laughs] Or actually, it was an
uninhabited planetary system in the Gamma quadrant, near the border with the
Alpha quadrant.

DARNENA: That sounds as if you and the crew of the Epimetheus have been
busy. Did you discover something interesting there?

JANSSENS: Oh yes, well, as far as an uninhabited planet can be interesting.
For the science department it was really interesting, but most people were
also looking forward to meet a new civilisation, to make first contact.

DARNENA: You've only been out for a month or two, but now Starfleet has
decided to give other ships transwarp as well. It seems the Epimetheus and
the Calhoun are no longer unique. Does that bother you, Captain?

JANSSENS: Even with transwarp, the galaxy is a big place and there are
plenty of unexplored regions waiting for us. I am sure we'll manage without
running into each other all the time.

DARNENA: As part of the Frontier Fleet, you will have to report to the Fleet
Headquarters, Pandora Station: the station you were once in command of.
Doesn't this bother you? Receiving orders from a place where you were once
the person *giving* the orders?

JANSSENS: I've already been receiving orders from Admiral Barclay and his
staff, and I will remain doing that. When you're on the other side of the
galaxy it doesn't matter that much if he's at Starfleet Command on Earth or
if he's at Pandora Station.

DARNENA: How do you see the Epimetheus' future within Frontier Fleet? Will
the Epimetheus be 'just another transwarpship' amongst all the other ships
capable of transwarpspeed? Or do you see a special function within the
fleet, for your ship?

JANSSENS: Starfleet's main mission is exploration. For me, and a lot of
other people, that is special enough.

DARNENA: One final question Captain. If you had to chose between continuing
to command the Epimetheus with, or a state of the art starship just out of
spacedock, without transwarp. What would you chose?

JANSSENS: 'All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by', preferably
at transwarp speeds. I am happy with my current assignment.

DARNENA: I think that means that you'd want to stick with the Epimetheus.
And, I can't say I blame you. Thank you Captain Janssens. You've been quite
helpful. Well, I guess that finishes this interview. Good day Mr. Janssens.
Until we meet again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An Interview with Captain Kane, by Iana Darnena.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

DARNENA: Good day Captain Kane. Thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Well, let's get straight to the point: 6 Starships and Pandora Station and
Delta One will form Frontier Fleet: a fleet where the starships all have
Transwarp. Even the USS Solstice, which was first assigned to the Station,
will now get Transwarp, and will run supply runs between Pandora and Delta
One. Everyone will have a faster way of transportation, while you just keep
sitting still. How do you feel about this?

KANE: Suppose those ships did not get transwarp, they'd still be flying
around. If I wouldn't like that, I wouldn't have decided to accept this
position. I have been offered command of a starship before and I declined.
There is enough left to be explored in this universe without having to go
away hundreds of lightyears from home.

DARNENA: Pandora Station will be Frontier Fleet's HeadQuarters. What exactly
does this mean?

KANE: That means that the Frontier Fleet will be commanded by some admirals
who will have their offices aboard this station. Nothing more, nothing less.

DARNENA: The Fleet Command Team came on board not too long ago. They consist
of Admirals Barclay, Tir, and Graag. What is your first impression of them?
Do they seem. . . competent to you?

KANE: I am confident that Starfleet knows what they are doing.

DARNENA: And what about your own authority? Won't they undermine that? After
all, you are no longer the most senior officer on board the Station. Doesn't
this bother you?

KANE: With respect to normal station activities, all of that will remain
under my authority. I will remain in command of everything that happens on
Pandora, as long as it concerns Starfleet matters of course; the only thing
that is changing is that instead of sending my reports to Starfleet Command
at Earth, I will be sending it to the admirals offices on deck 150.

DARNENA: I see. So you don't mind that these Admirals will be monitoring
everything you do, looking over your shoulder all the times, and maybe even
questioning your decisions? They are, after all, on the same station as you
are. They cannot help noticing what is going on. . .

KANE: If they have enough time to be looking over my shoulder all the time,
then something must be wrong. They will be in charge of the Frontier Fleet,
I assume they will be quite busy with that.

DARNENA: How about civilian life on Pandora Station then? What will the
increased Starfleet presence on the Station have for impact on the
civilians? They will obviously notice something going on, won't they?

KANE: Well, if they follow the news, they will know what is going on, but I
don't think Starfleet's presence on the station will increase or would
suddenly be a lot more obvious. In fact, one thing they should notice would
be *less* Starfleet officers patrolling the civilian areas as Pandora's
police department will soon increase from just one officer to about thirty.

DARNENA: I see. Captain Kane, my thanks to you for this interview. It was
very. . . enlightening, to say the least. Perhaps some day, we can have an
interview again. In the mean time, goodbye.

KANE: My pleasure.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
An interview with Captain Torn, by Iana Darnena.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

DARNENA: Welcome once again, dear readers, to yet another interview with a
Captain of a transwarp ship. This time, I'm interviewing Captain Torn,
Captain of the USS Atlantis. This Akira class Starship had been stationed in
the Gamma Quadrant, only to return to Mars, to be fitted with Transwarp
Engines. Captain, how do you feel about being recalled from the Gamma
Quadrant?

TORN: I, and I think my crew as well, have mixed feelings about coming home.
We have been exploring unknown space and have met new species, seen new
phenomena and been doing what Starfleet is meant to do for some time now.
However, now we'll have time to spend with our families and friends ...
catching up and renewing ourselves, as the Atlantis is being renewed.

DARNENA: I see. And now that the Atlantis is receiving Transwarp, you'll be
in the Alpha Quadrant for a while longer. About six months longer, actually.
What will you do in this long time here? After all, you won't be able to fly
around in your ship anymore. . .

TORN: *laughs* No, we won't be taking the Atlantis anywhere for a while. I
will be spending my time learning her new systems and abilities ... and
spending time with my wife.

DARNENA: Once this refit is complete, Captain. . . what do you think will
change then? You will be able to go anywhere fast, without some of the time
limits you have with normal warp. Will that affect your Command decisions,
you think?

TORN: Well, of course the Transwarp engines will allow the Atlantis to move
further and faster in our effort to see what's out there and to react to the
Kli ... er ... threats to the Federation

DARNENA: Captain Torn, you have been frozen in an accident involving the
Constitution Class USS Andromeda, only to have been thawn about a year ago.
You have come to known all the technological advantages of the 24th century.
Transwarp is such a technological advantage. How do you think about it, from
the perspective of, shall we say, a person straight from history?

TORN: *pauses* You're right, it's been a culture shock for me ... in more
ways than one. The capabilities of transwarp are just another part of the
learning curve. The closest thing I've heard to this is the experimental
warp drive enhancements that the Andromeda was testing. But transwarp
exceeds our wildest dreams for velocity.

*laughs nervously*

I just hope they've got the bugs out of the system this time.

DARNENA: Heh, I can understand that, Captain. I'm curious though: there are
quite some similarities between the Andromeda's test flight, and the
Atlantis' upcoming testflight with transwarp. After all, both ships have had
modifications, you are on both ships, and of course, things can go wrong. Do
you expect things to go wrong, Captain, and if so, do you think the Atlantis
will be the second Andromeda?

TORN: *With a hard stare* There are also many differences, Ms Darnena,
Starfleet's technology has come a long way since our old Constitution class
starships. Additionally, the Atlantis is not the first, nor will she be the
last, ship to be converted to Transwarp capability. We are not attempting to
back-engineer alien technology here, the Atlantis will be retrofitted with
proven technology.

*glares*

Unless you are inferring something?

DARNENA: My apologies Captain, I did not mean to offend or startle you, or
your ship. I am just curious, that's all. I am also curious about what the
Atlantis will do when Transwarp has been installed. Will you go back to the
Gamma Quadrant, or will you stay here, in Federation Space, while taking
orders from the Fleet Command Team?

TORN: My understanding is that the Atlantis will once again be sent to the
Gamma Quadrant, the transwarp system will allow a more efficient exploration
of the Quadrant. We will also be better equipped to respond to the Fleet's
signals, of course.

DARNENA: Thank you Captain Torn. I believe I know enough now. I will let
stop bothering you with questions now. *smiles* Anyway Captain, good luck
with the Atlantis and its Transwarp, and maybe until a next time. . .

TORN: Indeed, Ms Darnena, thank you for your interest. I really should be
getting back to work. Good day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Advertisement: For Sale, by Patrick Buidin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Voth science ship.

Small scientific vessel for one person - Built in 2388 - First owner - As
good as new.
Equipped with a transwarp drive and a transporter system, the transphasic
cloaking device is malfunctioning and needs some repairs.

Prize : 10 Latinum bars firm prize

Contact : Pandora station - Deck 3 - Café Rennok - Ask for Mr. Smith

Image can be found at the site.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Back to the Calhoun, part 1, by Rob Versteegt.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a quiet day on Pandora Station. Commander Jalando, the Station's
First Officer, was relaxing slightly. He was, after all, off duty. The USS
Odyssey and the USS Solstice had both been modified with transwarp, as had
the rest of the Frontier Fleet. The Calhoun, Odyssey, Valkyrie and Atlantis
had, together with the Epimetheus and the Solstice, gotten transwarp. That
was something to celebrate indeed.

The official celebration had been held a few days ago. It had been performed
by Admiral Barclay, the Fleet's Commanding Officer. It had been a moving
speech, really. A lot about transwarp, and how this would be the next step
in the experimental transwarp stage. Pandora Station had of course not
gotten transwarp, but it had become more important in some other way: it was
now the HeadQuarters of these transwarp vessels.

A lot had happened: the ships had been refitted, and that brought along
changes. Changes to the crews of these ships, and to the crew of Pandora.
Changes which a First Officer like himself had to live with. At the moment
though, it was as if things were still as they had used to be. The times
when Pandora Station had not seemed so important. In all honesty, Jalando
missed those days.

Important or not, he wouldn't let something like that disturb his off-time.
Dressed in some casual clothes, Jalando sat down on the couch, drinking a
nice cold glass of some sort of Betazoid drink. He never could remember the
name of it, but it did help him relax. He took a deep breath, leaned back
into the comfortness of the couch, and exhaled slowly. This, he realised
with a happy smile on his face, was the life.

This relaxation would soon be over. A flash of light filled Jalando's
quarters, forcing the First Officer to cover his eyes. This light was
bright, blinding him completely. Questions as to where this light was coming
from filled his mind. Was there something wrong with the lights in his
quarters? Could it be an explosion in space which caused all that light? He
did not know. And for a few moments, he had no way of knowing what exactly
was going on.

Then he felt something weird. The surface he was sitting on. . . it had
changed. It was no longer the comforting softness of the couch. . . it was
the tough, uncomfortable hardness of. . . metal? How could that be? Jalando
had been sitting on a couch. . .

Slowly, he opened his eyes. The bright light had vanished, but his eyes
still needed to adjust to the sudden lack of light. From what he could make
out, he was sitting in some sort of dark room. There were figures standing
around him. Three, or at least that was what Jalando could see at the
moment. "Hello?" He asked, trying to hide the uncertainty in his voice.
"Where. . . where am I?"

"You're on the Federation Timeship Eternity." A female voice, filled with
authority, stated. "Welcome Commander Jalando." The person belonging to this
voice, said. "I am sorry we had to drag you from your quarters like that,
but. . ." Again, a pause. "You are being arrested for crimes you will commit
in the future. Please do not resist, or we'll be forced to shoot you."

Jalando was stunned. What was this woman saying? "E. . . excuse me?" He
started cautiously. "I didn't do anything!"

"Yet." The Captain of the Eternity now said. "I realise that it must sound
strange to you, but. . . we've found evidence of your presence on the USS
Calhoun, in the year 2390. Just before it blew up."

"Blew up?" Jeff blinked for a moment. "But. . . the Calhoun had been with
us, at Pandora Station, for the big transwarp ceremony! It certainly did not
blow up!" He paused, and shook his head.

"That is because we captured you now." The Captain said, still deadly
serious. She already seemed to have made up her mind. "You will not have the
opportunity to go to the Calhoun and blow it up now. So, the timeline has
been changed, letting the Calhoun survive, and the transwarpproject
succeed." She paused again, and then turned towards another officer. "Kevin,
you lead this man to the brig."

The man called 'Kevin' now grabbed Jalando's arm, and started pulling him
along. Jalando tried to resist, but this was one strong person. Before he
knew it, he was dragged out of this room, wherever he was. . . out into a
corridor, moving towards. . . well, towards the brig, Jalando presumed.
After all, he was seen as a criminal, wasn't he? But how could he be? How
could this all be so unfair? He hadn't done anything! These people had no
right to imprison him!

And yet, what if they were right? What if somehow Jalando was responsible
for the destruction of the Calhoun? He quickly shook his head. He couldn't
be responsible. . . he hated violence! He sighed, and entered the brig,
together with this man named 'Kevin'. Would he ever see Pandora Station
again? Would he ever get out of here? Or would he be trailed and found
guilty for a crime he did not commit? Again, he sighed, and lay down on the
bench in this brig. A great day had just taken a day for the worse. He shook
his head softly, and went to sleep. What else could he do? Pretty soon, he
entered a restless slumber. . .

The next thing Jalando knew, he was waking up in a dark room. . . very dark
indeed. There was no light here, and what was even stranger. . . it seemed
as if there were clothes, hanging here. Why would anyone hang clothes in the
middle of a small room?

Voices now made their way to Jalando's ears. Voices which did not sound
familiar. Female voices even. "We've also been asked to investigate the
Vidiians, to determine if the report you received about the phage being
cured was accurate." One of the voices said. "If so, Starfleet Medical is
pressuring us to open diplomatic relations with them as well, since there's
much to be gained from the Vidiians advanced medical technology."

Vidiians? Jalando swallowed. Were there Vidiians here? How could this be?
Vidiians on this timeship? And wasn't it common knowledge already that the
Vidiians were cured? Starfleet had already opened diplomatic relations with
them. . .

"I wish I had some sage advice to give you Captain, but my knowledge of the
area is too out of date." Another voice, slightly raspier than the other
one, now stated. Jalando had heard this voice before, at a speech. But he
couldn't quite place it. . . "Everything else is in the records."

"I'd better get going." The person belonging to the first voice now said. It
appeared that this woman was on her way to somewhere. "Are you coming to the
ceremony?"

The second, more familiar voice, now agreed, it seemed. "A purely symbolic
presence. Shall we?" With that, Jalando heard the doors open, and close
again. . .

A few moments passed by. . . but nobody returned. Carefully, Jalando leaned
forward. . . causing the motionsensors to send an impulse to the closetdoor,
letting it open. This however, had as a consequence that Jalando fell out of
the closet. . . onto the floor. Rubbing his head, he looked around. The
lights would have gone out of course if nobody was in the room, but since
Jalando was here, there was still some light to see the situation clearly.

This was a woman's room, Jalando figured. Hairpins were lying on the desk
there, as was a hairbrush. A big mirror was positioned against the wall,
letting anyone see him or herself crystal clear. This caused Jalando to see
though, that he was no longer in his off-duty clothes. . . nor in his normal
First Officer uniform. No, he was in a teal Starfleet dress uniform, and had
one pip on his collar. It seemed like he was an Ensign now. . . in the
science compartment or so.

He then looked back at the closet he had woken up in. There, on the ground,
he noticed a PADD. Since it was rather unusual for a PADD to be in a closet
where clothes were usually hanging. But so was a *person* sitting there, for
that matter. Still, he picked up the PADD, and tapped a few buttons. A
written message was displayed. . .

The content of this message surprised Jalando slightly. It seemed as if
someone on the timeship Eternity had taken pity on the First Officer of
Pandora Station, and had -probably illegally- beamed him to the past. . . to
the USS Calhoun, to prove his innocence. Or actually, to the Spacedock, to
come on board the Calhoun as new personnel. . . and to observe the launch. .
. the festivities. And of course, to join the crew of the Calhoun on their
first transwarpflight. But most importantly, he had to watch out for this
crew. Something would happen, it seemed. . . after all, if it wasn't Jalando
who would blow up the Calhoun, then it would be someone else. . . if Jalando
could find out who, and stop that person. . . then the Captain of the
timeship would have no choice but to find him innocent.

Jalando sighed for a moment. This would be difficult. Blending in with the
Calhoun crew wouldn't be easy, but catching someone who would sabotage the
Calhoun. . . that would be close to impossible. Still, it was the only
chance he had. And he would take it.

With a deep intake of breath, Jalando walked out of these quarters. . .
towards -what he hoped- would be the room where the speech would be. He
wouldn't want to miss this for the world. . . now that he was here, he might
as well enjoy it.

A minute or ten later, Jalando was standing in the big hall, looking out of
the large windows. What he saw was a marvellous, stunning view. The USS
Calhoun was there, kept in place by several docking ports and lots of
cables. Jalando could see the original hull plating. . . after looking at
reports in his own time, the Bajoran/Betazoid Commander had seen that the
Calhoun had been damaged -and repaired- a lot of times. Still, here the
Sovereign Class Starship was, as new and clean as could be. As if this ship
had no idea what awaited her. . .

Jalando sighed for a moment, and then tore himself away from the beautiful
view of this Starship. When he looked around, he saw a face which he
wouldn't forget. . . ever. Someone whom Jalando knew well. After all, he had
served under this man. There he walked: Captain Jim Janssens. Of course on
the fifth may of 2390 -the current date, it seemed- this man was no Captain.
. . he was a Lieutenant Junior Grade, and Chief Science Officer.

Janssens seemed to be content on talking to Admiral Janeway and the woman
whom Jalando figured was CO Vaun. He looked at his PADD -the PADD which he
had apparently travelled from the future with him, since it contained all
the names and date of those on the Calhoun- and skimmed through some files.
Yes. . . there was no doubt about it. This was CO Captain Sara Vaun. The man
next to her was one Jalando knew though. . . Captain Fox D. Main. Although
now, in 2390, he seemed to be Commander, and the First Officer of Captain
Vaun. Of course Jalando had seen Main on Pandora Station, in 2391, when Main
was commanding the USS Valkyrie. . .

Another officer sat there, next to the Admiral, the Captain, the Commander,
and the Lt.jg. According to the files on this PADD, this man was both Second
Officer and Chief Medical Officer, Lt.Cmdr. Rovan Bren. However, Jalando
immediately noticed that something was wrong with this man. After all, his
face showed pain. . . and pretty soon, the rest of the high ranking officers
saw that too. The Captain even got down to her knees, to examine this man.
Vaun even stood up now, holding an arm around this man, helping him to go. .
. somewhere. Probably sickbay, from the looks of it. Anyway, they were going
to the Docking ports, that was for sure.

For a brief moment, Jalando was considering following them. To see what he
could do. . . maybe he could help this man in some way? Or at least learn
more about this? But he then decided that there were far better doctors
there than he was -he was a scientist, not a doctor- and that anything he
would do, could alter the timeline. . . and that was something he didn't
want to do. All he was here for, was to prove his innocence.

So he simply watched, as several people helped Dr. Bren to. . . well, to
wherever they went to. Jalando kept standing here, now looking at the senior
officers. . . wondering what they would do now. Maybe. . . maybe he could
look around, scan for temporal anomalies. . . things which were out of
place, or rather, out of time. Besides himself, of course. If there *was*
someone planning to destroy the Calhoun, that person could also be here as
well. . .

Jalando opened his tricorder, and started scanning. If anyone would ask, he
would just say that he was scanning for a viral agent or something. . .
after all, Doctor Bren could have been in pain because of that. Even though
it was highly unlikely. . . If there was a virus during the launching
ceremony, the Calhoun would not have been launched. . .

A few minutes later, while Jalando was still scanning, someone entered the
room. Someone who looked rather. . . suspicious. It was a Cardassian. Even
though Jalando tried to remain objective, Cardassians were still not his
most favourite of races. The Dominion war had caused quite some scars in
him. . . in fact, in this period of time, the Jalando from 2390 was still in
the Academy, in his final year, trying to cope with the immediate effects
these scars had on him. The inability to fire a phaser, for example. Or the
hatred of the use of force.

Quickly, Jalando pushed these thoughts aside. He wasn't here to analyse
himself. . . he was here to prove himself innocent. In order to do that, he
either had to let the Calhoun crew survive, or find the one who would want
to destroy the Calhoun. Or both.

This Cardassian did look suspicious though. Could he be the one who wanted
the Calhoun to be destroyed? Could it? Well, there was always a chance, of
course. Nevertheless, Jalando looked at his PADD. . . and quickly found a
match. This man was Consul Devon Torlith. . . a diplomat assigned to the USS
Calhoun. That probably did not make him a saboteur, since such a person
would have to keep a low profile. An Ambassador usually had to stay out in
the open, to make contact with everyone. Although. . . this Ambassador
seemed to do just the opposite. Maybe he was the saboteur indeed! Yes. . .
Jalando would have to keep an eye on this person. . .

The Bajoran/Betazoid kept doing this, trying to move around as
inconspicuously as possible. The readings he got from his tricorder though,
did not seem to hold anything interesting. Well, at least it didn't show him
the things he was looking for: temporal anomalies, or anything -more likely
anyone- which did not belong in this time. No readings of anything like that
though. Either that meant that there was nobody here from another
time -except himself- or who/whatever was here from another time could mask
those readings. Either way, the tricorder had not really been helpful.

Walking around the room scanning had helped him to pass the time though.
Because just when he closed his tricorder. Commander Fox D. Main started
speaking. The time was 1745 hours. . . the speech to officially commission
the USS Calhoun. This was certainly something Jalando did not want to miss.

"Let me welcome you all to the christening of the newest ship in the fleet."
Commander Main started. "I'm commander Fox D. Main, the First Officer. First
of all I have to excuse the captain and our doctors for not being here with
us at the moment, I have been informed there was a medical emergency."
Jalando frowned at this. . . clearly there was something wrong with the
2O/CMO. Yet, Jalando couldn't interfere. . . after all, he was here to
*stop* anyone from interfering. What kind of timetraveller would he be if he
would interfere himself?

"The USS Calhoun, which we are about to christen today, is the first ship in
the fleet with a working transwarpdrive, although it still is experimental."
Commander Main continued. "You have off course all heard about the USS
Excelsior which also was equipped with a experimental transwarpdrive.
Unfortunately, Starfleet had abandoned this project, when it turned out not
to be reliable. Now, due to the information we got from the USS Voyager,"
There was a pause, when Commander Main looked at Admiral Janeway, the former
CO of the Intrepid class Starship. Main continued quickly after that though.
"Starfleet did start a new transwarp project, resulting in this fine ship.
Our first mission will be to go to the Delta Quadrant and make new
diplomatic relations."

Jalando nodded at this. If only Commander Main, and the rest of the Calhoun
crew would know what the Calhoun would find in the Delta Quadrant. What
adventures they would face. . . and how their transwarp project turned into
the refitting of several other ships with these faster than warp engines. .
.

"Well, enough talking I think," FO Main continued, while picking up the
champagne bottle which was standing next to him on a table. With it, the
First Officer of the USS Calhoun turned to the Admiral, who was standing on
his other side. "Admiral Janeway, do you want to take the honours of
christening the ship?"

Apparently, the Admiral did not mind. . . and not a long while later, the
champagnebottle -and the champagne in it- collided with the outer hull of
the USS Calhoun. It was official now: the USS Calhoun, Starfleet's first
working transwarpship, was christened. Jalando smiled, and joined the
applause. This ship would pave the way towards a future with transwarp
ships. The future Jalando belonged in. This ship would be the beginning of
it all. And that was something to applaud for. . .

Next time: Jalando travels alongside the Calhoun crew. Will he interfere, of
will he stand by and do nothing, while the Calhoun might be destroyed? Next
time, in 'Back to the Calhoun'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Frontier Fleet song, by Rob Versteegt.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

This song is a tribute to being an officer in Frontier Fleet, as sung by
Commander Jeff Jalando, on Pandora Station. The song is on the tune of 'a
modern major-general'. Enjoy!

I am the very model of an officer in Frontier Fleet,
I've information technical, transwarpical and all you need.
I know the works of transwarp, and I look at specs which I will read:
>From transwarpdrive to exhaust ports, in order to get rid of heat;
I'm very well familiar, too, of matter-antimatter feed,
I understand the purpose of the warpcore's mix-together-deed,
But although I do realise that knowing this is paramount,
Pandora's orbit will not change, it will and always has been round.

Pandora Station is a part of this fleet called the Frontier Fleet,
As FO there I have the job to give the orders and to lead.
In short, in matters technical, transwarpical and all you need,
I am the very model of an officer in Frontier Fleet.

The ships around are wonders of the modern day technology,
Their Transwarp capability is nothing but an oddity,
The starships like the Calhoun, Atlantis and the Odyssey,
And let us not forget the ship which got to be named Valkyrie,
Are all around us while they're warping quickly through the galaxy,
(And with their transwarp they'll be going faster than they used to be.)
But this is good because they'll find more planets and societies,
Where they'll be having shore leave, and enjoying those commodities.

But when it's done with all the fun, and time has come to dress and feed,
Then work will once again demand that we are ready on our feet,
Then yes, in matters technical, transwarpical and all you need,
I am the very model of an officer in Frontier Fleet.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "emergency" and "transwarpspeed",
When I can tell the difference from the Odyssey and Valkyrie,
When I can be sure what to do in case of ship-wide red alert,
And when I act in order to prevent my crewmates getting hurt.
When I have learnt what progress has been made by everyone on board,
When I know where the cargo with the new components has been stored,
Yes when I know all of this stuff, all vital for my service here,
Then I'll know I'm an officer, who makes decisions without fear.

So let me end this tribute here, by saying that our fleet's the best,
We'll certainly go out there soon, put Transwarpengines to the test,
Because in matters technical, transwarpical and all you need,
We're all the very model of an officer in Frontier Fleet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Silly Fleetwide Story, written by many writers, assembled by Rob
Versteegt.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

All of you about to read this, beware. This is a story written. by members
and ex-members alike, who only saw the last line of the person who wrote a
part of the story before them. From there, they were given the assignment to
make things as silly as possible. And, if I do say so myself, they have
succeeded.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you:

The Silly Fleetwide Story.
Or:
An ordinary day in Frontier Fleet.


At Pandora Station, Commander Jalando had just finished breakfast. Today was
a very important day, since today the USS Odyssey would arrive, to get
refitted with transwarp. Now this was of course a special occasion on its
own. . . but there were also some musicians on board, whom Jeff would really
wanted to meet. After all, he had been following the musical concerts, and
he had been impressed by the music. Yes indeed. . . even though they were
amateurs, their music had been great. With a smile, Jeff put down his plate
which had once held his breakfast, and started going to Main Ops, to prepare
for the arrival of the Odyssey.


"Ready all phaser banks and raise shields!" he shouted when he ran into Main
Ops.
"Why?" Seth asked his FO and looked at him curiously.
"The Odyssey is coming, we have to prepare!"
"Only phasers?" Seth asked. "Don't we have photon torpedoes?"
"Not anymore Sir," Jeff said. "We sold them all to pay for that goldpressed
latinum bath tub your currently sitting in."
"Oh yeah, how could I have forgotten that..." Seth said and threw a wet
sponge at a random crewman that was passing by. "Pick that up will you,
before anyone trips over it."
The crewman bent down to pick up the sponge.


>From this angle, Ensign X'ok PaRel could see . . . everything. He remembered
the last time he had been in this position. It had started out pleasantly
enough, but with his half-Klingon physiology, it had not ended well. A trip
to the infirmary for the other man. A lot of embarrassing questions to
answer. And, lingering doubts about the possibilities of a long-term
relationship. And it wasn't because he hadn't enjoyed himself. Oh, he had
enjoyed himself immensely. It's just that the first impression he left was .
. . painful.

"The least you could do is clean up your own mess," the crewman said with a
frown, and handed the sponge to X'ok. Ensign PaRel looked past the crewman
and could see the shattered glass and spilled ale on the floor of Pandora
Station's main Science lab. ~Sure. One time in months I go and get a little
loaded, and they have a red-alert.~

A Lt. Commander walked up and clapped him on the shoulder. "Sometimes it
doesn't pay to go off-duty, does it?" he asked with a smile.

"No, sir," X'ok said dejectedly. He got on his hands and knees and made use
of the sponge.

"I asked for you because I knew the Valkyrie had recently been engaged with
a Ferengi vessel, and an Orion pirate," said the senior officer. "I thought
you might be able to share some of your insights with us, seeing that we've
got two raiders asking to dock. Are you sure you're up for this?"

"I'll be fine, sir," X'ok said. He snatched a folder from a nearby console
and used it to sweep up the last of the broken glass. He stood up shakily
and faced the Pandora science officer. "I believe you said you had some
information on the raiders?"

The other officer smiled and pointed at the folder in X'ok's hand. It still
held the broken glass, and X'ok had set the damp sponge on top of it.

"Oh," he said. He spun around, looking for a place to dispose of the mess,
and plowed right into the crewman who had brought the sponge. He jumped
back, his hands covering his face.

"OW," the crewman yelled. "You broke my nose!" Sure enough, blood was
streaming down his face. Plus, the folder, the glass, and the sponge were
now on the floor. The Lt. Commander looked down at the floor, shaking his
head sadly.

"What was it you were drinking?" he asked.


Sirtak put his empty glass on the bar and turned at the young ensign that
was seating near him, he was a bit astonished that someone was engaging
conversation with him " Romulan ale." he replied

" I thought it was that but I wasn't sure, is it so strong as everyone
says?" he asked

Sirtak smiled ~ You, you've just been graduated from the Academy,
interesting, a possible prey in perspective ~ he thought in looking at the
milkshake the guy was holding " Well, it's not a beverage for children but
try it and you'll see." he said in a defiant tone.

The young ensign seemed a bit hurt " I'm not a children, I'm 22 and I've
just been graduated, I'm not afraid of tasting your beverage." he replied
nervously

Sirtak turned to the barman " Two Romulan Ale please. One for me and one for
the young Ensign here who shows great courage."

As the barman was putting the glasses on the bar, Sirtak said " Let me
introduce myself, I'm Sirtak Hiortar, I'm owning a jewellery shop here on
the promenade."

The Young Ensign took his glass " Pleased to meet you Mr Hiortar, I'm Ensign
Lionel Galloway, freshly assigned to Pandora Station, Cheers." he said in
taking a sip. He almost choked on the ale " Whoaw, it's strong and it has a
strange taste."

" I told you but you've tried, I like that, I like people who aren't afraid
to take some risks, You've already taken two since you're here." Sirtak said
flattering him a bit.

Galloway frowned " Two, I only see one in trying that awful beverage."

" That was the second one, the first one was when you've started a
conversation with me, haven't they told you at the Academy that you had to
be suspicious about Romulans." Sirtak replied.

" Oh yes, they told us, they told too that you were our enemies but I prefer
to make my own opinion on people." the Ensign declared proudly.

~ By the Praetor, it's a benediction, every RMI (Romulan Military
Intelligence)agent would like to meet such a guy, young, freshly assigned
and not suspicious.~ Sirtak thought in realising that he had found the
perfect people to gain information's." Let me buy you something else and to
which department are you assigned ? " he asked curiously

"No thanks Mr Hiortar, I've started that Ale and I intend to finish it. I've
been assigned to the recreational department." he stated.

Sirtak frowned " Recreational department, haven't heard of it before, what
is it ?"

" Well it's a new department created by Starfleet Command for outer space
stations and ships, to improve the moral of the crew and give them more
animations. Let me show you." Galloway explained in putting his hand in his
pocket, he pulled out a little red ball and put it on his nose, he jumped on
the bar and began to make several clowning.

The smile on Sirtak's face disappeared ~ What's that ? ~ he wondered as
everyone in the bar was laughing, Galloway had jumped on the floor and he
was pulling out flowers and candies from his sleeves.

" You see Mr Hiortar what I was meaning about to improve the moral, but
you're leaving, I can show you some others of my talents you know. " He said

Sirtak had stood up from his stool " I think I've seen enough for tonight,
good luck with your assignment Mr Galloway." he replied in moving in
direction of the exit.

" Thank you Mr Hiortar, I'm starting tomorrow in the Comedy Club of the
station. I hope you'll come to see us, I'll send you some entrance tickets."
the Ensign declared

" I'll see if I'll have time Ensign. I'll see " he replied in thinking at
the report he was going to send to his hierarchy ~ The Romulan Empire
doesn't have to worry anymore about the Federation. Starfleet has started to
engage Comedians and Clowns. I request a change of assignment before this
station will become a Circus.~


After all, with Starfleet people, you never knew. They would soon been
flocking here, and there would be no peace. With a sigh, he put on his
polished red nose, and walked into the nearest turbolift. There was another
door in the opposite wall, which he walked through in turn, reaching the
mess hall. There, the Cardassian circus was already in full swing, with the
Cardassian visitors that had come to the station the previous day.

"Hello!" A cheerful Cardassian clown walked up to him and poked him on the
nose.


"What do you want?!" he asked angrily. The clown shone delightfully at him.
"Nothing" it answered.

"Then leave me be." he bellowed and in one swift movement he had punched the
funnyman , straight on his smiling face.

The cheerful Cardassian clown immediately started crying.
"Why did you do that for?" it sobbed.


A few moments went by while the contingent of Starfleet admirals tried to
formulate a response. They had intended to beam to the Odyssey, but instead
ended up here. They had been in tough situations before, but this was far
beyond any of them. One of them stepped forward, clearly unnerved by the
entire experience. "That is a stupid question!" he said loudly, before
throwing a pie in the face of the thing that had questioned them. It was a
phrase that Starfleet Admirals often used when presented with an impossible
dilemma or a hard-to-solve situation such as this one.

But the Admiral went on. "We did it because it is our right, nay, our duty,
to be as silly as possible. Clearly do I remember the day when I was
promoted to Admiral: I swore that I would uphold the sacred duty of
Starfleet: to baldly be silly where no one has been silly before. So I
shaved my head and took ballet lessons."

"Why did you do that for?" asked one of the other Admirals. He was
subsequently shoved a pie in his face, much to the amusement of the other
Admirals.

"That is a stupid question!" the first admiral said again. "Can you imagine
an old Admiral like me taking ballet lessons? Isn't it the most silliest
thing you ever thought of?"

The other Admiral saw the logic in the other speaker's arguments. "Well," he
said, determined not to ask another stupid question. "I can think of
something even more silly." He tapped his comm badge and a large cannon
materialised in the room. "This," he said proudly, "is the Frontier Fleet
cannon."

Many "oooh"s and "aaaah"s filled the room, but the first Admiral was far
from satisfied. "That's it?" he asked. "A cannon? That's a stupid-"

"Not just any cannon!" the other Admiral countered. "It's Frontier Fleet
cannon. And not only am I going to fire myself out of it, I'm going to do it
blindfolded and bare-footed, while juggling four cannon balls as I fly
towards the Delta Quadrant at Transwarp speeds."

The first Admiral was dumbfounded. "You haven't the balls for a stunt like
that!" he exclaimed.

The second Admiral's eyes narrowed. "That's where you're wrong. The balls
are in the Frontier Fleet cannon. They're the Frontier Fleet cannon balls."

"Frontier Fleet cannon balls?" a third Admiral cried out. "But there's no
such thing in my Trek cannon! It'll never work!"

"Hah!" shouted the second Admiral. "You'll think differently when I fire
myself from the Frontier Fleet cannon and end up in Transwarp en-route to
the Delta Quadrant." He slipped into the cannon and put on a helmet. "Fire
me, boy!"

The first Admiral shrugged and walked to the cannon. "Here goes nothing," he
said.

And then he fired the Admiral.


Of course, the Admiral With The Big Nose wasn't happy that he was being
fired out a torpedo tube. The man was quite angry until some transporter
fellow beamed him to safety. "There." Crewman G. Reedy said. "Now I can eat
my grand-mothers pyjama's in peace." He put a bit of salt over it and began
eating. But he was interrupted by Karl, the Big mean bunny beaming in.

Karl went to the largest shuttlebay on Pandora and ate the Slag. Afterwards,
he had a Type-8 shuttle for desert. But then the evil Dr T.Bag showed and
turned Karl into a banana peal.

He put the banana peal down in Main Ops and waited.


One would have thought that placing the banana peel down on the deck of Main
Ops would have had something to do with the idea of later watching someone
slipping on it and subsequently breaking their spine, or at least suffering
some sort of contusion or sprained muscle or other. There was, quite
frankly, no other logical reason for dropping a banana peel down on the
floor like that. If someone wanted to get rid of a banana skin, then they
threw it into the replicator or the waste recycler so it could be
dematerialised and its atoms recombined into something more useful to
society -- something like another banana which, being nothing short of an
amazing fruit after all, could be used for multiple purposes.

For example, the ancient tribes of the planet Banarosa II had been renowned
for weaving banana skins together into something vaguely resembling a rope,
which was then used in the ritual contest that determined their next tribal
leader -- a contest which involved skipping using the banana rope until one
of those vying for leadership dropped down dead. The winner, although
exhausted but clearly the better skipper, would then take charge of the
society and command the weaving of more banana ropes, the purpose of which
would this time be to restrain criminals or juvenile delinquents while they
were stoned to death with apples -- another equally amazing fruit, with
almost as many uses as bananas.

But back to the banana peel lying, as it was, on the deck of Main Ops. It
wasn't a particularly interesting banana skin, the officer noted as he
observed it. Quite plain, in fact: yellowish, with brown blotches. It was
probably starting to go off, but ever so slightly.

With a sigh, the officer wondered how much more exciting it would have been
had this banana skin been an apple peel. No doubt instead of sitting here
watching it, he would have been involved in an epic tale of action and
intrigue, with ray guns, Captain Kane, a beautiful and scantily-clad Orion
slave girl, and a hapless sidekick who may or may not have been Commander
Jalando in disguise. Together, they would have roamed the galaxy in the
transwarp Starship Avenger (the U.S.S. Solstice, only with more guns and a
cooler name), boldly going where no one had gone before and saving the
universe at least twice before supper.

The officer observing the banana peel had almost lost interest when,
suddenly, the banana peel did something entirely unexpected. With a sound
similar to bare skin being slapped by a wet trout, the peel began to pull
itself slowly across the deck plates. His eyes wide, the officer watched
this spectacle with unbridled awe. It was clear that the banana peel -- 
which had to be some kind of sentient lifeform -- was searching out other
equally intelligent beings. Which explained why it was heading in the
opposite direction to the captain's ready room.

Pausing and taking stock of its surroundings, the banana peel squelched a
bit, then turned toward the officer who had been fixing it with an
incredulous gaze. Though the peel said nothing, the officer got the distinct
impression that it didn't like being considered dull and boring. Clearly,
the peel was angry and insulted, and, being from a long line of
warrior-bananas, wanted vengeance.

And so it was then that, with an almighty slurping sound, the banana skin
ripped itself from the deck and flew through the air towards the officer's
unprotected face.


Meanwhile, on the USS Odyssey, the tactical officer looked up at the
captain. "Captain, I am detecting a banana skin aboard the station. It has
just attacked a person!"

Bennek sprung up from his chair. "Raise shields and arm all weapons. Pandora
Station had been taken over already, we are too late..." He looked grimly at
the Tactical officer. "We must stop this invasion before it gets completely
out of hand!"

"But sir, there are thousands of people aboard Pandora..." the Tactical
officer said. "We can't just destroy... Hang on, we're being hailed. It's
the USS Valkyrie, Sir. She's on an intercept course. Commander Maiek is
ordering us to stand down and lower our shields, or they will fire the
mushroom soup torpedoes."


Dirk laughed loudly. Nothing as silly as this was ever heard when he was
running a nightshift. "Let's hope they are fresh so that we can enjoy the
taste," he said.

"Nah, Pitt, we won't. I heard they have mushroom soup powered shuttles. So
it's probably the residue from their engines that has been put in the
shuttles!"

Pitt shook his head laughing, "Good point!". But as a former engineer he
knew it would be impossible to power engines on any kind of soup. Although
he had heard the story circling around a lot at Starfleet Academy. It was
said that it was an entry in the survival guide. And a lot of first years
took the urban legend story for serious. Well, to be honest, he himself had
been tempted to believe it as well, because wasn't everyone awed with
Starfleet's knowledge about simply everything when they started their first
year at the Academy?

He was wondering when they were to dock. He had even heard that some of the
crew were eager to meet their old captain again. A certain fellow called
Main. He'd probably believe that Engineering would be his domain since it is
called Main Engineering. Then again, if he was a captain, he'd probably be
right because the whole ship would be his! And well, hadn't the guy ordered
a meal once? Acting like his CEO was a servant?

He himself wouldn't mind seeing some old friends. Or meeting new people. But
right now, everyone was in a joyful mood. They would all be among the elite,
all among the best. It was time to stop sailing the stars, it was time to
start sailing the deepest, darkest depths of... WHITBY! Or perhaps of the
transwarp layer.

"Hey Freddy, wouldn't it be a good idea if we installed some bright red
lights around our bow? Then we can look like a tomato!"

"Yeah, but mixing tomato's with mushroom soup? Pitt, you don't wanna taste
that!"

"You sound like you got some experience with it," Dirk said chuckling.

"Let me offer you some carrot juice first, after you tasted it, we talk."

"What has that do to with it?" Dirk asked.

"I dunno. Does that matter? Just wanna try to redirect the conversation to a
different topic," Freddy said with a smart-guy look on his face.

"Hey guys, can you please keep an eye on your consoles. We need to dock the
ship safely! Not make a hamburger with one of those saucers of the station!"

"Aye, aye, Sir! Although I had thought with all the food talking we would
all like to try and taste a duranium hamburger."

"But Fred, we just had our refit! And you make it sound like you didn't get
any recreation at all."

"Not this kind, no, so I'd say, Pandora Station, be aware!"


A collective shudder went through the crew and civilians of Pandora Station.
They had heard the words of this person, spoken out over the comm. Everyone
on the Station, from lowly waste disposal officer to Admiral. . . from
entertainer to businessman and from child to adult. . . everyone was silent.
Until someone spoke up. "Okay, done that, now what?"

Another man shrugged. "I don't know. . . I thought you knew?"

The first man shook his head. "I don't, sorry. . . just following orders."

The person who had uttered the words was now stunned in surprise. "You mean.
. . you'll all do what I say?" An evil grin appeared on his face. "Then. . .
Pandora Station! Act like a dog!"

Immediately, everywhere on Pandora Station, people were howling and barking
at each other. Some were scratching their ears -which wasn't easy for those
who had the misfortune of being of a bi-paddles species-, and others seemed
to have forgotten where the public latrine was, so they simply made their
own. Also, the replicators suddenly got a lot of orders to produce large
bones. . .

The person who seemed to be in total control now, smiled. This was better
than he had dared to hope. He wanted to speak up again, but. . . something
happened which he did not foresee. The USS Odyssey had just docked, coming
here for a major refit. . . and now the Odyssey crew was walking on the
promenade, in the company of several thousands of. . . well, species who
acted like dogs.

Before long, the other crews had docked too. The crews of the Calhoun,
Odyssey, Valkyrie and Atlantis were all greeted by the First Officer of
Pandora Station, who seemed to like the airlock more than the other officers
wanted to know. "Please Commander." One of the officers said, disgusted by
what he had seen, "We're here for our transwarp overhaul, not to see
Starfleet officers acting like idiots!"

"Woof." Was the Commander's unimaginative answer.

"That's enough!" The voice of the person once again said, apparently tired
of this rather humiliating scene. "Pandora Station, return to normal again!"

Immediately, the Commander who had just been sniffing the airlock, stood up.
"Uhm. . . right, the transwarp overhaul. Follow me please."

While the officers turned away again, this mysterious person looked at
several Admirals, who had been standing nearby. "You will get in trouble
with this, you know." One of the Admirals said to this person. The Admiral's
voice was harsh, and filled with anger.

"No I won't." the person said with a grin on his face. He took a deep
breath, and then shouted: "Pandora Station, and the rest of the Frontier
Fleet! Make this chain of events non-canon!"

When everyone started doing exactly that, the mysterious person winked at
the Admirals. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm fed up with all of this. Just end
the story, will ya?"

And that was exactly what was done.


The End.



This story was made possible with the help of the following writers: (in
alphabetical order:)

Sussie Andersson, Matt Brown, Patrick Buidin, Richard Clogston, Guido
Dorssers, Ruben Hilbers, Bram Peeters, Adrian Rodd, Ben Versteegt and Rob
Versteegt.

Thanks to all!
(And just so that you know: this story is non-canon... <G>)


=====